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To get an alert every time an article is posted
join the "Get A Life" group (with quotes) in Second Life
| Thursday, December 28, 2006 |
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A Scat Lovers Secret Life (WARNING: Images May Damage You)
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 HEY HEARTUN: When I came to Second Life and discovered the Scat Lovers group I cried in relief. You see, I'm a 24 year old executive assistant for a Fortune 500 company and my husband and I live the American Dream -- but I secretly smear my own feces all over me, or roll in it, as I masturbate.
I've been doing it for years, since I was a girl. It started in the shower in my parents house. The house my husband and I live in has wooden floors, leather furniture, linoleum, and other hard surfaces that clean up well -- because I have 'christened' every room in the house.
My husband doesn't know, and I am sure he wouldn't understand. So finding others who share my fettish for the first time has lifted a lifetime of shame from my shoulders -- even if only in Second Life. I love my real life husband, but am looking for a Second Life partner for mutual Scat love. Will this jeopardize my marriage? ~ SCAT LOVER
 DEAR SCAT: Will having a secret lover in Second Life jeopardize your marriage in real life? No, not really. Unfortunately, your real life marriage is already doomed. Every marriage has some secrets, like how many lovers you've had in the past or what about your spouse secretly annoys you. These secrets differ from the one you are keeping in that they are not things that really define who you are.
Your life-long love of 'smearing' scat sounds like it is a huge part of your sexuality. It sounds like something you need, and will apparently seek out a partner for. Hiding something that big from your real life partner will not end well for you or for him. He may leave you if you tell him, but he may decide it is something he can live with. You need to trust him to be adult enough to decide what is best for him.
Whether he leaves after you tell him, or stays, you will be free of this burden of secrecy. And if you do not tell him, and pursue an online scat partner, you will build a nest of little lies to hide the big secret in your life and eventually that will become a burden that is certain to crush your marriage absolutely.
Buy a second computer. Get your RL husband to play Second Life. Introduce him to online scat play and use that as an open to discuss with him your secret. If he stays, great. If he goes, you can find someone to replace him in the Scat Lovers group. Both of these paths end with you ditching your fear and shame. The path you are on does not. ~HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: Cheating, real life conflicts, scat |
posted by Heartun Breaker @ 12:33 PM
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Prince Charming Wants Asshole-free Way to Ditch 'Emotional Baggage'
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HEY HEARTUN: I became involved in an in-world relationship, we partnered, and as the weeks passed she became more and more "controlling." She questioned my time spent with other friends -- especially female ones -- demanded all of my time, was overly negative with things she didn't like about my avatar, like my height and Animation Overrider choice. She is just being "clingy" in general. Then she started to question my real life relationships with women. That really turned me off!
I tried to tell her several times that things weren't working out without hurting her feelings but she just wasn't "getting it". When my first life became hectic I told her I didn't have time for SL, that I couldn't guarantee being on in the near future, and that she shouldn't wait for me. I welcomed the opportunity to escape her. I even considered creating an alt. She kept messaging me over and over for months, even when I stopped responding. We un-partnered. Since then real life situations have subsided a bit to the point where I have more time to spend in SL. She messaged me recently saying that she wants to talk about "us". I don't want to come back and have her think we're "together". How can I break it off without being an asshole? ~ RUNAWAY BOYFRIEND
DEAR RUNAWAY: Women (and a few men) like this write me all the time. (See 'Get A Life' Nov. 4, 2006 "Madly In Love") In essence, what they tell me is that they came to Second Life, found a perfect lover, had a wonderful time with much love and hot cyber sex until their "perfect" partner started pulling away. That's when they freak out. In your words, they get 'clingy.'
 You just happened to find a very needy woman who was unrealistic from the start in her expectations about this relationship. She likely does that in all her relationships, and groups all men into four categories: father figures, brother figures, evil bastards and Prince Charming. She clearly has you tagged as Prince Charming, but will likely switch you to evil bastard when you stomp out the last flicker of her misguided love. You will Mute her then, but she'll continue to stalk you and your friends and make life uncomfortable for a while. Then she'll go into a 'love hibernation' of cynicism -- saying stuff like 'all men are pigs' -- and diving into activities that she found fun before you came along. She'll be happy again one day, if wary.
Then she'll meet another guy like you. You see the weakness and need in her, and see her as a challenge to conquer. You want to prove that all men are not pigs, and that you -- in short -- are Prince Charming. You win her over, have a wonderful time with much love and hot cyber sex, until the thrill of victory fades and something akin to 'buyers remorse' sets in. You push her away. Then you watch, and feel superior, as she self destructs in a very 'clingy' and predictable pattern.
You asked me how to break it off without being an asshole. You can't. You need to break it off for the good of both of you, but you started this relationship preying on weakness. You are an asshole. The good news is you can change that part of you in your next relationship. You are not a father figure, brother figure or evil bastard -- but you are no Prince Charming either. Try to get to know the next woman, and let her know you, BEFORE you try putting on the Prince Charming suit. It doesn't fit anyway. And you want a woman who can handle the complexity that you are. ~HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.Labels: unrequited love |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 11:35 AM
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Monkey Love -- But What About My Wife?
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 HEY HEARTUN: "I cheated on my wife with 3 dogs a monkey and a half galon jug of KY Jelly, should I tell her?" ~RYMES WITH 'CHORUS'
DEAR CHORUS: I don't see why not. Sounds like a good Second Life party... maybe she will want to join in next time.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: Cheating, cybersex, Furry |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 9:41 AM
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| Wednesday, December 27, 2006 |
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¿Vida Secundaria "Solamente Inglés" Es?
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 HEY HEARTUN~ I am Spanish. I do not speak English. The people who speak here English are cruel. They say that "they speak English or they go." She is that I leave the Second Life? ~VISTA GLOBAL (translated from Spanish using AltaVista's Babelfish)
DEAR VISTA~ I spoke briefly with Liaison Lizzy Linden and she said there is no "official language of Second Life." While the majority of SL 'citizens' speak English it's non-English speakers that are the hoped-for salvation for Linden Labs. After personnel expenses, server space and connectivity top the expenses that keep Second Life running. And they're fairly fixed costs too. If you double the number of Americans playing SL, you have to boost server space and connectivity or service suffers more than players will tolerate.
However, if you pull in players who aren't from he same time zone they end up playing at different times, effectively distributing the server and connectivity workload. More players, same capital costs. Venture capitalists love that, and Linden Labs is out hunting for more VC right now. The money they brought in last winter is running out -- and while management can downsize customer service workers like Lizzy to boost the bottom line they can't cut infrastructure.
"There are four fucking languages going on all at once in here and its pissing me off," yelled one Welcome Area Regular in Ahern recently. "I've got a problem with all these foreigners -- it didn't used to be this way!"
Xenophobic sentiment like this is bound to increase in the Second Life Welcome Areas because while language-specific sims are on the increase the WAs are common ground. We Americans are going to have to admit to ourselves that we don't travel the world  
much, we don't speak any other languages and our world view is rather narrow. That kind of introspection makes us uncomfortable. Meanwhile the non-Americans get a chance to answer their favorite question: "Who are these Americans who keep electing bomb-flinging psychopaths." And they'd better be nice about it too because America has a lot of bombs, and a lot of Bushes. (Jeb 08-16, Neil 16-24, Jenna 24-32, Barbara 32-40 and so on.)
Second Life is the opportunity we all have to find out about each other without actually going to war but it starts in the Welcome Area. So if someone gives you shit for speaking Spanish, Dear Vista, write up an abuse report because I'd hate to see Jenna send B-52s into Barcelona some day. And that cracker best learn some Spanish or learn to shut up because they probably don't want to see that either.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.Labels: real life conflicts, SLetiquette |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 12:24 AM
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| Monday, December 25, 2006 |
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Gangsta asks "She Lyin. What Ima Do? I Hella Mad!"
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HEY HEARTUN~ My wife, girlfriend, 'partner' whatever -- I think she cheating on me. We ben talking about her livin Textas (sic) and moving up to me in Detroit and what not. We good together. We play alla time. But month ago she play that Wow (World of Warcraft) game now she dont come on SL hardly never!!!!
I ask if she cheeting (sic) but she say "no" but I see she on with the AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) alla time but she ignore me some time so I thinking she on Wow with some dude!!!
When she DO come play SL she all "No, my computer just on. I was out." but I no she lyin. What Ima do? I hella mad but she don no that yit. ~HELLA 'G'
DEAR HELLA~  When did gangstas start playing Second Life? Um -- never. Whether you are black or white or Latino or Asian, you've got to drop the 'too cool for school' hip-hop mode of speech because it just doesn't work in an online environment. Face it, if you are here YOU ARE A GEEK. It's just a question of to what extend or degree your geekiness extends.
Now, to your question, I presume you've tried to get her WoW name with the intention of stalking her there. Since you didn't mention it I'm guessing that she didn't divulge that information. So here's what you do. Trick her by acting extra trusting. When she isn't around, don't send her messages but when she is around say things like "I like hanging around you" and ask her to tell you about her day. Use complete sentences. Act caring and concerned for her well being. Don't let on that you are needy and distrustful. Act like every moment with her is a gift that makes you happy.
It's just a guess but I doubt she's ever experienced that from you so these new emotions you evoke in her will throw her off guard. She'll actually start spending more time with you instead of ignoring your IMs, lying to you about where she is, and trotting off to WoW to cyber some troll. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.Labels: Cheating |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:41 AM
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| Saturday, December 23, 2006 |
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Thank You For Making "Get A Life" #1 In SL
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KIND READERS~ Thank you all for helping make the most recent 'Get A Life' column, as syndicated through the Second Life Herald, the most popular post on any Second Life related blog or online publication. This, according to the independent ratings service Cleeker.
Here's a screen shot.
Cleeker.com
Cleeker.com tracks blogs and websites covering Second Life. While not a scientific survey by any means, and flawed in some of its methodology, it is the accepted ratings service for Second Life.
It has as much credibility as the radio and TV ratings services, Arbitron and Nielsen Media Research... which also have an imperfect system of rating media, but their results are accepted for the purposes of selling advertising because they are the only games in town and they are impartial in their imperfection.
So, Dear Readers, thank you very much for helping boost the syndicated 'Get A Life' column to "Number One" in under two months since its inception. Keep those questions coming in. You can also help by putting the HeartunBreaker.com website in your Second Life profile under "Web." ~HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: housekeeping |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 10:07 AM
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| Thursday, December 21, 2006 |
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'Scarfing' Furry Fears For Lover
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HEY HEARTUN~ My boyfriend and I are gay furries, but I'm not going to say what kind of animals we are cause I don't want people to know who we are. But I'm worried. My boyfriend and I are also into scarfing. The last time we were fucking, a week ago, his avie went 'Away' and he stopped typing and he eventually logged off.
I'm afraid that he died. I have emailed him and AIM'd him and he hasn't responded. What do I do? ~SCARFING FURRY
DEAR SCARFING~ I've gotten several emails from people who worry their lover or friend may be dead because they don't log on any more, and in most cases I expect that their lover just moved on. But auto erotic asphyxiation, or 'scarfing,' is a different story. It is very deadly.
I understand that cutting off the supply of oxygen to the brain at the time of orgasm can intensify that orgasm. I'm told it does this because as the brain approaches asphyxia it kicks out more endorphins. Some people put a plastic bag over their head, others self-strangulate manually, and many us a ligature -- a scarf -- to cut off the blood flow at the neck.
Dear Scarfing, I really wish I could tell you that your lover just got busy or ditched you. I wish I could tell you what to do to find out if they're ok. In your case, there's a good reason to believe that your lover may have died... and worse, you may have witnessed it, in a Second Life way.
But Scarfing, and this pains me to say this, I don't know what to tell you. I'm going to turn this one over to my readers, and ask that they post their advice in the 'comment' section of this site. Perhaps they have an idea you can find useful. Meanwhile, you have my sympathy. ~HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.Labels: Furry, masturbation, real life conflicts |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 10:26 PM
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Cyber-Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
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HEY HEARTUN~ Can you still be friends with someone after you've cybered. Even if you don't want to cyber with them any more? ~FRIENDS FOREVER
DEAR FRIENDS~
 The short answer is 'no.' But it's more complicated than that.
Cyber sex is the safest thing out there, and lets face it... it is convenient. Assisted masturbation can be very exciting, but if that's all you've got with your partner that partnership may fade with time. It sounds like that is what happened here -- from what little you gave us to go with -- and I'm guessing you just don't want to be a jerk and drop your boreing lover like an adult. So you'll pull the 'lets be friends' routine and meet with the predictable results. Your lover will know they are being spurned, get pissed off or clingy, and give you a reason to drop them where you can blame THEM for the breakup.
After all, you still wanted to be friends and they got all weird on you. Right?
Be an adult. Just tell them you are no longer getting what you want out of the relationship and need to move on. After a cooling off period, if you run into them again, try being friends with them. And as for your next conquest, try being friends first. See if you have something in common besides mutual masturbation and one handed typing.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: cybersex |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 9:14 PM
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| Wednesday, December 20, 2006 |
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Reality is Such a Buzz Kill
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HEY HEARTUN~ I guess you could say my online fantasy relationship 'worked'. At first we sent each other fake pictures and revealed fake ages, but as the months went by the confessions came out. I am a 19 year old girl and my online boyfriend (now my 'RL' boyfriend) revealed he is 18. Only a year younger, but he was not the "Mr. Hotshot" he showed me pictures of. Instead he is a normal guy. Athletically figured, normal face, normal scruffy hair and some vague morning shadow.
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Fantasy Couple
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And I am not the raven haired, pierced up, buffed and big breasted "Ms. Playboy" I'd claimed to be. I'm a normal girl with your everyday insecurities, slim figure, blond hair.
Somehow after 2 years of being with him and meeting up, showing our affection.. I kind of miss playing the role of the whorish beauty I used to be. I fell in love with the man of my dreams, and so many people envy our love. and I know how much he means to me with all the new-found honesty and how he treats me with such a gentle touch... but.. for some reason... I feel strange.
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Normal Couple
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Sometimes I get jealous when he is around other Playboy Hottie girls in-game. I feel like if that's how we met, then he could find someone else too. I know in my heart he is not interested, and he knows it too. We trust each other with everything inside of us, but sometimes I find myself lying to him about little things. I'll say, "Gosh, my thong is on too tight!" and little things like that to turn him on -- when I really don't want to -- but I feel I "need to".
It's like sometimes I DO want the fantasy relationship we had, but I am so in love with who he really is... but I was in love with who I was as well. The sex-craved girl with the perfect body. What's wrong with me? INSIDE OUT
DEAR INSIDE~ So. Um. That's what a relationship is like when it is 'working' for you? Well, congratulations. No need to read further. You are a winner and it would be cruel of me to tell you otherwise.
Then again, I have been accused of being rather harsh so .
The problem is you've got two relationships rattling around in your little head and there's only room for one. You've got this fantasy relationship where you are sexy and powerful and your stud is and alpha male with a six-pack. Then there's this real life relationship where you're both kind of geeky, but in that nice way where you are sweet to one another and try to make your lives fit around the other person in a loving way.
You've mixed these two realities. The tone of your voice in your first sentence tells me you don't think you have been successful, but you have. It's a tall order to make things work on any level both online and in the real world. Especially if you meet online first, then ventured into the world. But you have been successful at it -- even though it is also obvious that you want more. Don't beat yourself up about that, you are normal in that regard.
The way I see it you've got a lot going for you but the duality of your expectations could leave you, well, wanting. You need to incorporate the fantasy you two had in your online relationship into your real life relationship. Try talking to him. Tell him how you used to feel when you played Playboy Bunny to his Stud Muffin. Ask him how he felt. See if you two can set aside a special setting in your home (even if that is just throwing a special 'love-blanket' over the bed and lighting some smelly candles) where you both get to take a little fantasy vacation. Put some fantasy in your real life, and find a way to feel sexy and powerful, or knuckle down and be happy with what you've got... for as long as it lasts.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: real life conflicts
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:54 PM
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| Sunday, December 17, 2006 |
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AgePlay Slut Asks, "Where Da Tweeners At?"
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HEY HEARTUN~ As a 43 year old woman who came to Second Life to explore AgePlay as the slutty kid I wasn't in real life, I am perplexed by the LACK of people into this kind of scenario... I'd have expected dozens of people exploring this kind of fantasy. Do you think SL AgePlayers are self-censoring? ~ SLUTKID ALONE
DEAR SLUTKID~  I asked a forum of AgePlayers if they self-censored and met with laughter and comments like “that's a stupid question,” “isn't it obvious?” and “we are an oppressed peoples, about as hated as Furries.” What kind of self-censoring? For starters many AgePlayers routinely change their avatars from the one they prefer to a 'safer' (read 'older') one when they leave AgePlay-specific sims. They also swap out that title “Daddy” or “Baby Doll” for something unrelated to their true SL identity. Simple griefing? I am told it goes far beyond that.
“With the televised witch hunts of real predators... even though we are adults and play with adults, and are protected by the TOS (SL Terms of Service) we are constantly questioned by 'Holy Rollers' who want to play moral police,” said one AgePlayer who requested anonymity to avoid being singled out for griefing. “They ask things like 'What if one of you was a real kid?' but that's stupid. I've seen underage kids sneaking on the grid and none of them use a 'kid' avatar. They're all seven foot tall, muscled men with lots of guns or bimbos with huge boobies and they crawl the 'free sex' areas or just hang out in some normal sim.”
The AgePlayers I spoke to concede that it is possible, however unlikely, that a child could impersonate a legitimate AgePlayer (see "Age Play Fun and Games Turns Ugly" Get A Life, Dec. 13, 2006) but they insist that the vast majority of all AgePlayers would do what any adult would and should do once the age of their lover is discovered. And they are quick to add that they believe this scenario happens most often amongs non-AgePlayers.
 “Most of the AgePlay community has zero tolerance for actual underage people playing,” said another AgePlayer who asked for his name to be omitted for fear of griefing. “A real life child posing as an AgePlayer would be reported (to the Lindens). And lets not forget that real life parents do have some responsibility to keep up with what their kids do on the household computer. Second Life is not meant for kids. Well, real kids anyway.”
So, Dear Slutkid, the answer to your complicated question is that AgePlayers do try to keep a very low profile. But the AgePlayers I talked with had many encouraging words for you regarding the prospects of your finding a compatible partner who likes the kind of role play you like. In that pursuit, like any relationship, you just have to keep looking until the right person comes along. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: ageplay |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 5:37 PM
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Sandbox Play Sucks When He's Drunk
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HEY HEARTUN~ I'm a 19 year old college student, studying video game programming. There's this guy (in Second Life) who hangs out with me when we build in the sandbox, I'll call him Jibberjab (not his real name) and he's real cool but when he gets drunk in real life he talks all kind of shit at me, like what he would say to a whore or something. Do I gotta take the jerk with the pal? ~ BUILDER GAL
DEAR BUILDER:  Ah, the ole "insufferable drunk" scenario. The kind of behavior that inspired author Robert Louis Stevenson to write the classic 'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.' Highlighted in Jibberjab's behavior is the duality of human nature. Jekyll says that "man is not truly one, but truly two," and he envisions the human soul as a battleground for an 'angel' and a 'fiend,' each trying to dominate the other. Stephenson was breathing life into the then new-fangled theory developed by Freud that the human mind was subdivided into contrasting and conflicting parts -- unlike the 'Monadology' theory of Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, which had long held sway.
At the end of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde the Hyde personality all but obliterated the good Dr. Jekyll. It is that way with drunks too. Fortunately, in Second Life you can take the good and not the bad. You can mute Jibberjab when he is drunk and abusive, then unmute him later. Just be quick to mute him again when he next hits the sauce.~ HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: abusive lover |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 5:31 PM
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Love My Babe, Love Her Best Friend MORE!!!
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HEY HEARTUN: I'm in love with my online partners new best friend and its driving me nuts! She's so perfect, but I would be such an asshole to try to do anything, and I know it! ~ RISKY BUSINESS
DEAR RISKY: Why are you writing me? You already know what you're going to do -- so go ahead and do it! That forbidden fruit is irresistible for many people, and it sounds like you fit the bill. At least have the decency to ditch your partner BEFORE you pursue her friend and tear them apart. I just don't get what it is with you cheating hearts. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: Cheating |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 5:29 PM
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| Thursday, December 14, 2006 |
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Gorean Whore -- Tell 'Master' to Hit the Door
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HEY HEARTUN: I am a Gorean Kajira, a slave as is outlined in the John Norman book Dancer of Gor -- in essence, being a slave is a whole way of life, involving a total modality of existance. I live according to the Slave Creed:
He is Master and I am slave.
He is owner and I am owned.
He commands and I obey.
He is to be pleased and I am to please.
Why is this?
Because He is Master and I am slave.
Allow me the strength to answer questions I can't fathom
I believe this. I live this. But about six months ago my old Master sold me. The new Master was nice to me for a while, but lately he has been ordering me to give pleasure to some of His friends. And I never see the same 'friend' twice. I think they pay Him for my attention. It makes me sad. ~ RENTAL KAJIRA
DEAR RENTAL ~ I've got two answers for you: the Gorean answer and the Sane answer. First the Gorean answer.
There will be many times you are called upon to answer questions you have never thought of. To delve deep inside yourself for the answers to places you never even thought would exist. It requires a certain amount of emotional and mental strength to do this, to look in those places that may house memories you have simply forgotten, or urges you are too afraid to admit. There is much buried deep within each of us that we don't even know is there, and at some time or another...to be completely open and honest with you Master, you will have to find these things..and bring them to the surface.
Now for the Sane answer.
He is pimping you out. Leave him. You can do better.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: abusive lover, Gor |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 7:52 PM
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I love her, love her, love her, love her, love her!
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HEY HEARTUN: I came to Second Life a couple months ago and started hanging out in Club Arsheba where I met the love of my life. Other than work and (some) sleep I spent all of my time either with her or waiting for her. I bought her lots of nice things, and wrote her poetry all the time. Then the bitch dumped me! She muted me too! So I made an alt, started hanging out at the club again, and met her over again. Things went really well for a while but then she recognized me, I think from my poetry. How can I win her back? ~ THIRD TIME CHARMER
DEAR THIRD: Benjamin Franklin said 'the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.' You clearly fit that definition so lets try to improve your cover. Go to www.lyricsondemand.com and bone up on some Al Green lyrics. Instead of writing your own poetry, steal from the master. Tell her things like "I just can't stop from holding you, and I can't quit a love like this from consuming you. There must be a reason why I feel so free. Me loving you, you loving me. Your love is more than I deserve. Oh baby, you made me, you gave me your love..." Memorise a bunch of Rev. Green's lyrics and use them liberally in all your communication with this woman. Then when she finds you out again -- and she will -- go get a lobotomy, make another alt, and try using the lyrics of the Moody Blues. If that doesn't work, try picking up a new girlfriend in Port Cos.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: unrequited love |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 7:49 PM
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Spelling Queen Asks, "Can I Fix Other People's Bios?"
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HEY HEARTUN: I am addicted to reading other peoples Bios and I find a lot of spelling and grammar errors. I want other people to look good so I IM them with a kind suggestion about how they can correct their Profiles to better show themselves off. I really do have the best of intentions, but I am often rebuffed and some times cursed! What am I doing wrong? ~ YOUR WRITE
DEAR YOUR: I spend my days in a room full of 16 year olds, coercing them to write and then suffering the duty of correcting their efforts. When I come to Second Life, during my time off, I too am put off by the horrible grammar and spelling of many SL residents. My God, girl, I came across a Bio where a young woman railed against "prejudism" -- a word that just doesn't exist. The thing is, Your, when you cross the line between feeling superior to these morons and actually pointing out your superiority to them you are displaying a deep seated mental flaw of your own. I don't know how it started. Maybe your daddy didn't love you enough. Maybe mommy forced you into toilet training too early. Regardless (irregardless to the true moron), when you contact a stranger and rub their nose in their own ignorance it is you who are the moron. It is antisocial and you need to stop it now. Class dismissed!
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: SLetiquette |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 7:36 PM
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| Wednesday, December 13, 2006 |
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The "A,B,C's" of Picking Up Dumb Girls
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HEY HEARTUN: I am new and have no money and my skin is ugly and my hair is ugly and my clothing is lame and I don't have no land and I don't get any women. Help me. ~ WANTIN SOME
DEAR WANTIN: The good news is that there is someone for everyone in Second Life. The bad news is, the woman you want may not be the woman who will settle for you. I can't fix you. I can, however, get you started on a road of fixing your self. Lets start with the easy stuff. Go to a Welcome Area, like in Ahern or Waterhead, and ask the people there (just once, or you are an annoying begger) if they have any freebies -- especially clothing, hair and a man skin. There are some nice male freebie skins, but you may have to ask around. That's it for the easy stuff. Next up, you jumble all your thoughts into one long stream. Dont do that. It confuses stupid women and is a turn off to the non-stupid. You need to target stupid women. To do that it only takes two things. First, don't ever say anything that Tarzan couldn't say. Second, for every question or statement you make about yourself you should ask or make two about her. Here's an example.
Wantin Some: Hi. You look good.
Dumb Girl: Me?
Wantin Some: Yeah. :D
Dumb Girl: TY :)
Wantin Some: V^vv^V Howlzzzzz V^vv^V
(uncomfortable pause)
Wantin Some: You smell good too.
Dumb Girl: Oh! You are so clever. Can I be your sub?
Wantin Some: Call Me Master.
Dumb Girl: Yes Master!
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: finding a lover, SLetiquette |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 9:02 PM
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My Master is a Geek
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HEY HEARTUN: I am a good Sub, and I love my Master but He has gotten involved in some game called Dark Life. It's like a game inside of Second Life. You put on these packs and use swords and magic to kill these stupid monsters. It is the most boreing thing I've ever seen, but my Master loves it. He wants to go up levels really fast so He has me play too, as a mage. My only job is to stand behind Him and heal Him. I get so bored that sometimes I do other stuff in another window so His guy dies and He gets mad at me. ~ BORED SUB
DEAR BORED ~ I know that he is the boss and you like doing his bidding, but he's not paying attention to you. He's just using you, and not in a good way -- like you want. You need to talk to him outside of the role you have established. Put on a completely different avatar. Let him know that you are talking to him as you, not as the role you have shown him. Then discuss with him what you need out of your relationship and what you find lacking right now. He will probably want to play the game some times too but he can't do it all the time and he can't be mean to you if you get bored with something that you do not enjoy. Then switch back to your regular avatar and kiss and make up.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: abusive lover, Dom(me)/sub |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:58 PM
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Transgender Lesbian Has a Secret
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HEY HEARTUN: In real life I'm a 26 year old maried man with a wife and a three year old daughter. I've played Second Life for the past six months, mostly learning how to build stuff and script because I work in the information technology field. About a month ago, for kicks, I made a female alt. It made me laugh hanging around in Waterhead (Welcome Area) seeing the stupid things guys say when they IM girls. I had no idea! Then a female acquaintance invited me to the Isle of Lesbos and I've been hanging out there a lot ever since because I fell in love. Do I let my new lasbian 'girlfriend' know that I am really a man? ~ HANGING IN LESBOS
DEAR HANGING ~ Sure. Tell her. I'm sure her sexuality up to this point in her life is merely the result of not having met the right guy. While you are at it, you should broaden your horizons. Start hanging out at the Rainbow Tiger Club so you can meet the right guy who will change your orientation. Be sure to take a lot of pictures as you take it up the ass so you can show your real life wife. I am sure you'll want to show your daughter too, but you should hold off on that because it's icky. About as icky as hanging out on the Isle of Lesbos when you are a dude. (sighs) Someone should slip a cunt over your head and fuck some sense into you and every asshole like you. If I didn't have any journalistic ethics I'd out you right now. I sure want to.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: Alts, lesbians |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:52 PM
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Scat Group Needs Social Chair
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HEY HEARTUN: I am into scat and recently broke up with my 'toilet' and am looking for another. But there is only one scat-related group in Second Life and we don't have much group interaction. No meetings. No events. No coctail parties. How do I go about meeting someone new? Oh, and I noticed that YOU are a member! Cool! ~ BROWN BEAUTY
DEAR BROWN ~ Yes, I am a member of many groups in Second Life -- representing a wide variety of relational experiences. Experience is good for a columnist and I'll try anything once, twice if I like it. I hadn't noticed until you pointed it out, but there are not a lot of scat-related activities or locations or goods available in Second Life. Maybe some bright entrepreneur (entreprePOOer?) will put up a shop selling toilets with gestures and outhouses with a party pit. Meanwhile, if there are no coctail parties for poo-poo partiers why don't you hold one? The Scat Lovers group has nearly 60 members. I'm sure you can meet a nice toilet if you throw a fun party. Just make sure none of those Water Sports people spike the punch.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: finding a lover, scat |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:49 PM
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Online Lover Goes 'Poof!'
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HEY HEARTUN: I've been in a 3 year online romance that started in There, went to The Sims Online for a while and has been in Second Life for about a year and a half now. Both of us are married in the real world so we never exchanged info outside of the game, what we have here is special but absolutely limited to here. That's why it has been particularly upsetting to me that she hasn't logged on in more than four months now -- with no warning, or explanation. At first I thought her computer might have died. Then I worried that maybe she died. I may never know. I will always miss her, but after four months I'm resolved that she isn't likely to come back into my life. Is four months enough before moving on? Part of me says it is, and part is... ~ GRIEVING ALWAYS
DEAR GRIEVING: Online relationships are measured in dog years. Four months is a long time and you are right to look for closure of some kind. I agree that you will likely grieve your loss always, but you deserve to move on. But you and I both know that she could just show up again some day too. I recommend that you treat this just like someone who loses their spouse at sea.  You have waited a suficient amount of time to declair her dead. Gather your friends for a wake. Put up framed pictures of her. Everyone wear black. Share with eachother how much you miss her. Then get on with your lives as best you can. Just be sure to take pictures of the wake in case she walks in the door some day. She'll want to see those.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: SLetiquette |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:42 PM
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AgePlay Fun and Games Turn Ugly
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HEY HEARTUN: I have been playing around in Second Life since 2004 and in that time I've had two significant romances. About a year and a half ago, when I was last single, I started exploring Ageplay.  I liked the freedom, the role playing and -- I admit it -- the boundry pushing nature of young love. Then I met (name deleted) and my life changed. I've never felt more alive, not even in real life. We did everything together. And I mean EVERYTHING. Since I'm married in real life, I thought it was especially nice that (name deleted) didn't ever break his role or talk about anything outside of SL. Until the other day. That's when he complained about his parents. Turns out, he really IS in Junior High! I keep telling myself that we're not doing anything wrong, but part of me says it is. I just love him so much, and I don't ever plan on seeing him in the real world. What do you think? ~ UNSUSPECTING MRS. ROBINSON
DEAR UNSUSPECTING:  What you are doing is absolutely normal, and acceptable, and will not hurt him. That is, if your name is Borat and you are from Kazakhstan! All of the First World, and most of the Second and Third World countries think what you are doing is WRONG! Even Kim Jong Il thinks what you are doing is sick. Just face the facts: you were attracted to Ageplay because the rules of adults did not apply -- but then you found that there was an adult in your relationship and that adult is you. So be the adult. Ditch the kid, right now.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: ageplay |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:30 PM
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When Nice Boys Can't Type Well
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HEY HEARTUN: I met a nice boy that spends time with me and talks with me a lot but every once in a while his typing goes all crazy and he only uses short words, and not many of them. I asked him about it and he said sometimes hanging out with me turns him on so much that he starts playing with himself! EW! I haven't been able to hang out with him since and I can't get that image out of my mind. I am considering killing his friendship and muting him, but we've been good friends for a long time. He keeps trying to IM me about how sorry he is. I dont know... ~ GROSSED OUT
DEAR GROSSED: Men are pigs. I don't think they can help doing stupid things like that. The thing is, he should have kept his secret to himself. He knows it, that's why he's saying he is sorry and isn't stalking you. I am not one of those people who believes that anyone can 'fix' someone else but if this is his first offensive behavior, he has been a good friend, and if you think you can get that image out of your mind (or get used to it) I say you should give him another chance. After an appropriate length of time, say a week, thinking about his error by himeslf. B.F. Skinner would call the cold shoulder act you are giving him right now an 'extinguishing technique' and it is worth a shot. Let him know that if he grosses you out again you will delete and mute him. Then if he does, do it.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: masturbation, SLetiquette |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:22 PM
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I Need a Lover Who Won't Drive Me Crazy
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HEY HEARTUN: I'm new to Second Life and to the whole online thing. I got a computer after a real life divorce, and like the idea of having a relationship that is safe and at arms length. I was married to my now ex-husband since 1972, and have not been with anyone else. We were high school sweethearts. My problem is that I've been sitting on a bench in the Ahern Welcome Area and the only 'men' who IM me are young, horny and abrasive. What am I doing wrong? ~ MATURE BUT INEXPERIENCED
DEAR MATURE: There's nothing safe about a Second Life relationship. Be prepared to have your heart broken. It will happen, over and over, and the whole mess is still a beautiful thing. That said, your immediate problem is two-fold: your "love product" is badly packaged and poorly marketed. Love is a product, you ask? You betcha babe! In real life and in Second Life we all judge books by their cover. I bet you try to tell yourself how beautiful you are on the inside, and how that 'special someone' will see it by some magical means. Stop the fairytale, it doesn't work that way sister! For Second Life you should pony up some bucks for a custom skin, some nice hair, and a hot outfit. Then get out of the Ahern Welcome Area; it is overpopulated by griefers, freaks and tards (with about four or five nice, helpful people). Do what other noobs do, and hang out at a dance club for a while. Don't stay in the clubs forever or you're lame, but its a good way to meet people when you are new to all of this.  And in real life go join a healt club or the YMCA and spend the next six months sculpting that body of yours into one that draws the eyes of a sexy senior. Invest in some new clothing too. And not more of the same sacks you've been covering yourself up with since the '70's.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: finding a lover |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:20 PM
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My Alt Cybered Your Alt
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HEY HEARTUN: I've got a bunch of alts, and I'm really flirty with people in all of them and I have many, many lovers. Recently, though, while I was in the guise of an alt he doesn't know, I got hit on by one of my other alts partners. Now I'm really pissed off that the asshole would cheat on me! Do I let on? ~ ANGRY ALT MAN
DEAR ANGRY ~ Are you serious? Someone you are stepping out on is stepping out on you and you think this is somehow unjust? Buddy, you don't have a problem. You ARE the problem. Go to the library and start reading 'self help' books about healthy relationships and join a 12 Step program. Seriously consider frequent counseling too.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: Alts, Cheating |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:12 PM
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Sex: Talk vs. Action
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HEY HEARTUN: When my Second Life wife and I get frisky I really like to use a lot of different sex balls. She just wants to cyber! What's up with that? ~ GIT 'ER DONE!
DEAR GIT: Tired of typing with that right hand? Too bad. If you just want to get your rocks off go to a porn site like http://www.thehun.com/ and seek your happy ending. Not satisfying? Good! Show's you're human. But if you want the pleasure of a good woman's company you've got to make her happy. Momma not happy, aint NOBODY happy -- and that extends to the bedroom. Take a typing class. Learn to engage her mind in fantasy. Tell her your every move, in detail, that you would do to her if you could. And don't just dive in to the deep end of the pool either! Start with a kiss, rubbing, nuzzling. Take your time and at least ACT like you've been there before! Go read the poem "She Being Brand New" by e.e. cummings. Notice that he gets her engine really warmed up and purring before he slips her into gear and really gives her the gas. You need to do the same. Then she'll hop on any sex ball you want.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: SLetiquette |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:08 PM
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I love him, love him, love him, love him, love him!!!
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HEY HEARTUN: My sweet lover asked me to be his partner. I am so happy with my baby, he completes me. I have found him to be a treasure, my big bright shooting star that lights up my life with so much happiness. He holds my heart in his hands and it belongs to him and only him forever and ever. I love him with all my heart, mind, body and soul and will until the end of time. But as much as I love and worship him in SL, he always changes the subject when I turn to a real life hook-up even though we live within 100 miles of each other. What do I do? ~ MADLY IN LOVE
DEAR MADLY: Wow! This guy really should see that blazing fire of adoration inside you. Lets go through some things to see if you are communicating your love clearly enough. Hmmmm. Looking at your Profile I see that you've got a picture of you two kids kissing in your Second Life section. Check! Below the picture you have lots of squiggly things like "roses" @)~--- and "hearts" <3 . Check! You announce to the world the date of your betrothal and later marriage. Check! You have a long statement of how much you love him, how he 'completes' you and how you want to spend all of your time with him and only him. Check! The Picks section of your bio has a bunch of other pictures of him. Check! And your 1st Life section has yet another picture of him and a statement of devotion with the added "I'm already taken guys!" (Nice touch, that)
I'm sorry Madly, I don't see why he won't commit to you in the real world. Maybe you really don't love him enough. Try loving him more. A LOT more.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: unrequited love |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:03 PM
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Three On a Whip?
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HEY HEARTUN: I'm the female partner in a 'triangular' relationship involving The Mistress, her male sub and me. I really think that The Mistress and I have something spiritual, and that the sub is just a sex toy for her but he's been with The Mistress longer than I have. And lately when I'm fucking The Mistress, I get the impression that she's thinking of her sub some times. What do I do? ~ UNEQUAL PARTNER
DEAR UNEQUAL: A 'triangular' relationship is a complex one, and can only work if the sub and the partner (that's you!) of the mistress also have a mutual understanding of each other's needs and feelings. If either of them does not feel comfortable with the situation it wont work. A sub can be a sex toy who is just happy to make his or her mistress happy in any possible way and in return get affection. To some people its just fun roleplay, to others an erotic experience. Either way, even if you and Sub Dude are never great pals, you've got to talk with him frequently -- after all, you both share the love of your mistress.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: Dom(me)/sub |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:01 PM
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Take Note! Second Life is NOT First!
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HEY HEARTUN: I find that relationships on Second Life can be tricky when people want to tell you about their real life lives -- and ask about yours. How do I keep SL in SL and RL in RL? ~ BURNED IN SL
DEAR BURNED: That's what the "My Notes" section of other people's Profiles is for. You keep track of all the lies you tell them about yourself in that section. I am assured by Linden Labs that they will not be able to access this information, so you will always be able to keep track of your lies. And use Google Images to find a picture of someone hotter than your fat, old, married self that you can pretend to be in your First Life section -- then all you have to do is create a series of gestures conveying how interested you are in what they say about their alleged "Real" lives and you are set. If something goes wrong, just Mute that person and find another.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: SLetiquette |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 7:55 PM
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Parlez Vous a '^^Vv^Hooooowwwwllllzzz^vV^^?'
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HEY HEARTUN: (Note: This question came in Spanish and was translated by Altavista Babelfish) I played the Second Life by two days and does not speak English good. I am Hairy. I play the Fox. How do I solve chickens hot you? ~ CHILI CON FURRY
DEAR CHILI: No speak-ah da English? No problemo! You can 'solve' those hot chicks in your new Fox avatar by saying as little as possible. Learn and use emoticons like :D, :P and ( * ) ( * ) and those pleasantly plush pullets will be pecking at your pelt! And be sure to say "Yif" and "Yaffle" a lot as well as get that ^^Vv^ Hoooowlzzz ^vV^^ gesture from some other Furry so you can spam the hell out of Second Life all the time. Furry females love that. It'll be months before they realize you don't speak English.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: Furry |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 7:49 PM
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| Tuesday, December 12, 2006 |
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Girl Teaches Boy New Trick -- Then Feels Disgusted
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HEY HEARTUN: I love my boyfriend, and sex with him was great from the start. One day while we were drunk I stupidly asked him if I could borrow his PlaySexy Cock. Well, now he likes me to strap on his cock and fuck him up the ass all the time. Freaks me out! Is he gay? ~ PANDORA'S BOX
DEAR PANDORA ~ No, he's not gay. He just likes it when you strap on his cock and fuck him up the ass.  There's nothing wrong with that. The problem here is that while the action may have been fun and games once, or once in a while, it appears to be a kink meal you served him that he wants a steady diet of -- and its not to your taste. Let him know that you don't want to do that all the time. Tell him that you'd like to get fucked with that cock once in a while too. Be careful, because he obviously likes having you shove his cock up his ass -- and since he's straight he know's its freaky. Don't show your intolerance or you'll embarras him. Then again, if you really can't stand playing the transexual once in a while break this relationship off a.s.a.p. While his appetite may ebb and flow with time, if you ain't fucking him up the ass once in a while he will eventually find someone who will.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.Labels: gender bending |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:07 PM
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| Sunday, December 10, 2006 |
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Jilted Lesbo Fears Cycle of Tears; Longs for 'Drag King'
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HEY HEARTUN: I recently broke up with my long term girlfriend. Me and her were like family and I know we're supposed to be together, however dumb that sounds. I know if someone told me that, I'd say 'get over it.' I'm sort of in a place where I don't want to be in a relationship but I still want companionship, you know? I have two big concerns. First, I don't want to fall into the rut of dating within the same circle of friends. It seems like all the lesbians I know have dated each other and I don't want to do that. Secondly, I don't know if I should take the time to explore my lesbianism. I accepted my sexuality rather late so I haven't had too many girlfriends (RL or SL). She's bisexual, and has a lot of maturing to do alone to find out who she is. I seem to always fall for the bisexuals or abusers. Anyway, I am attracted very much to drag kings and the old-school style lesbians, but I'm always too scared to approach them. ~ ALL OUT OF LOVE
DEAR ALL: Wow. You seem all over the map, emotionally! Lets take these issues one at a time, and lets start where you want to go rather than where you've been. Famous New York drag king Moe B. Dick says there are four kinds of lesbians who dress like men: the cross-dresser, the butch dyke, the male impersonator and the drag king.
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Moe B. Dick
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The thing that distinguishes the drag king from the male impersonator is that the male impersonator is trying to look like a specific person -- like Kerry Grant, James Dean or Brad Pitt -- while the drag king dresses as a man type, like cowboy, welder, businessman. The difference between a drag king and a cross dresser -- who also wears mens clothing -- is that the drag king has a touch of humor in her approach.
So something in the drag king scares you away, and you end up with bisexuals or abusive women. You need to get over your fear of rejection. You're settling for lovers who have obvious flaws (for you) so that their ultimate rejection carries less impact. You sound like you are shying away from the drag king you want because you fear her rejection, and you don't want your idealized version of them shattered by reality. They're people too. You've got to take a risk and break out of the relationship rut you have so aptly identified. That said, your fear of dating the same people from your social circule is a valid one. Time to take risks and find a new social circle. That's scary too, but its the only thing you can do to break the cycle. Taking the socially comfortable route will only lead you to more of the same pain.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.Labels: lesbians
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 9:10 PM
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No 'Third Life' For You!
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HEY HEARTUN: How do I manage a personal life with a wife, three kids and Second Life? ~ NEED A THIRD LIFE
DEAR NEED: I'm sorry, but there will be no 'third' life for you. What's more, from the sounds of things your first life is about to get a lot less complicated. My advice to you is to run up your credit cards by upgrading your computer. Even better, have some custom game box builder make you a dream machine with a dual core processor, loads of RAM, dual graphics cards, a huge flat screen or two and all the software you ever wanted. Dont worry about the cost, just slap it on the cards. You'll have to declare bankruptcy after your wife takes the kids far away from you and serves you with divorce papers anyway. Thank goodness your friends in Second Life won't abandon you like that.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.Labels: real life conflicts |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:53 PM
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Find Inner Whore or Say 'Bye' To Gor
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HEY HEARTUN: I'm new to Second Life but not to Role Playing. I've heard about Gor, but haven't read the books but based on what I hear I'm very intrigued by the idea of totally submitting to a Master (blushes) and sharing Him with several Sisters. The thing is I'm worried about what to do if porn is involved. It will need to be soft -- very soft porn -- I dislike hard core stuff. What should I do if my Master is into hard core kink, but I'm already collered? ~ GOREAN GOOD GIRL
DEAR GOREAN: When you were in the back seat of your first RL boyfriend's Chevy, did you tell him to "Just stick in the tip"? Get off of it... if you're into 'total submission' like you say you are then you want someone to push your boundaries. Your question just tells me that you don't want to later have to admit to yourself that you are the whore you know you want to be. Embrace your inner whore, or stay out of Gor. There isn't a half-way approach to 'total submission' when you deal with those freaks.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.Labels: Gor |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:47 PM
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Obligatory First Post
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Kind Readers,I'm migrating some of the content from my successful column with the Second Life Herald to this blog so that I can address a wider array of issues, bring onboard like-minded associates, and branch out to other Metaverses like There, The Sims Online and World of Warcraft ... anywhere there are boys, girls, Klingons, Goreans, furries, fetishistas and Vampires just trying to hook up and make something work with their relationship.'Get a Life' is a column that addresses relationship and behavioral issues in an online environment. Although it is still a relatively new column it quickly established itself as the premier advice column in Second Life by grabbing the attention of more than 11,000 weekly readers and through its syndication in the likes of My SL News,Top Ten SourcesStrategic Board,Jamiezel,and many other online publications.If you see something you like, please email it to a friend and by all means sign up for the RSS feed.~Heartun BreakerLabels: housekeeping |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:42 PM
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HeartunBreaker [dot] com
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Email submissions to HeartunBreaker@gmail [dot] com
Disclaimer: All submissions to "Get a Life" become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity
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