"Get a Life": Prince Charming Wants Asshole-free Way to Ditch 'Emotional Baggage'

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

Prince Charming Wants Asshole-free Way to Ditch 'Emotional Baggage'

HEY HEARTUN: I became involved in an in-world relationship, we partnered, and as the weeks passed she became more and more "controlling." She questioned my time spent with other friends -- especially female ones -- demanded all of my time, was overly negative with things she didn't like about my avatar, like my height and Animation Overrider choice. She is just being "clingy" in general. Then she started to question my real life relationships with women. That really turned me off!

I tried to tell her several times that things weren't working out without hurting her feelings but she just wasn't "getting it". When my first life became hectic I told her I didn't have time for SL, that I couldn't guarantee being on in the near future, and that she shouldn't wait for me. I welcomed the opportunity to escape her. I even considered creating an alt. She kept messaging me over and over for months, even when I stopped responding. We un-partnered. Since then real life situations have subsided a bit to the point where I have more time to spend in SL. She messaged me recently saying that she wants to talk about "us". I don't want to come back and have her think we're "together". How can I break it off without being an asshole? ~ RUNAWAY BOYFRIEND

DEAR RUNAWAY: Women (and a few men) like this write me all the time. (See 'Get A Life' Nov. 4, 2006 "Madly In Love") In essence, what they tell me is that they came to Second Life, found a perfect lover, had a wonderful time with much love and hot cyber sex until their "perfect" partner started pulling away. That's when they freak out. In your words, they get 'clingy.'

You just happened to find a very needy woman who was unrealistic from the start in her expectations about this relationship. She likely does that in all her relationships, and groups all men into four categories: father figures, brother figures, evil bastards and Prince Charming. She clearly has you tagged as Prince Charming, but will likely switch you to evil bastard when you stomp out the last flicker of her misguided love. You will Mute her then, but she'll continue to stalk you and your friends and make life uncomfortable for a while. Then she'll go into a 'love hibernation' of cynicism -- saying stuff like 'all men are pigs' -- and diving into activities that she found fun before you came along. She'll be happy again one day, if wary.

Then she'll meet another guy like you. You see the weakness and need in her, and see her as a challenge to conquer. You want to prove that all men are not pigs, and that you -- in short -- are Prince Charming. You win her over, have a wonderful time with much love and hot cyber sex, until the thrill of victory fades and something akin to 'buyers remorse' sets in. You push her away. Then you watch, and feel superior, as she self destructs in a very 'clingy' and predictable pattern.

You asked me how to break it off without being an asshole. You can't. You need to break it off for the good of both of you, but you started this relationship preying on weakness. You are an asshole. The good news is you can change that part of you in your next relationship. You are not a father figure, brother figure or evil bastard -- but you are no Prince Charming either. Try to get to know the next woman, and let her know you, BEFORE you try putting on the Prince Charming suit. It doesn't fit anyway. And you want a woman who can handle the complexity that you are. ~HEARTUN BREAKER

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Labels: unrequited love

posted by Heartun Breaker @ 11:35 AM

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