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| Thursday, February 15, 2007 |
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How Much Cybering Is Too Much?
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HEY HEARTUN ~ How much cybering is too much? ~ HANDY MAN
DEAR HANDY MAN ~ For me, three times a day is the limit. Four is too much. Your mileage may vary.
Now in men, stroking the one-eyed trouser snake too much can result in an over production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters like acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin.
Too much of those things and your adrenal glands can change your body chemistry. Now, jerkin' the gerkin is a healthy thing, but too much (while hard to define) can lead to addiction and both psychological and physiological imbalances. Side effects to look for include:
- Feeling tired all the time
- Lower back pain
- Hair loss or thinning
- Pulling the "Semi" (or half-rection)
- Premature ejaculation (by yourself!!)
- Fuzzy vision (not blindness)
- Pain in the balls, taint, nut sack, tail bone or lower tummy
Semen leakage is also a sign that the parasympathetic nerve is weakening from over stimulation. The parasympathetic nerve shuts the ejaculation valve and maintains a strong erection, but it can weaken if you choke your chicken too much.
Experts say men should keep their ejaculation frequency down to two-to-three times per week, but they can have more sexual activity if they learn how to orgasm without ejaculation. Doing so can make your junk work better too.
Some things you can do to improve the quality of your monkey-spanking sessions is to reduce the frequency, eat more soybean products, cut down on the caffeine, snack on more nutty foods like sunflower seeds, drop the red meat and dairy in favor of fruit and veggies.
Drink more water and ditch the soda. And just in case you ever get a real-life girl to honk on your love muscle - eat peaches and cut down on the salt so it tastes better. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get A Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com . All submissions become the property of
HeartunBreaker.com . We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes. Labels: cybersex, masturbation |
posted by Heartun Breaker @ 3:57 PM
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| Wednesday, January 24, 2007 |
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See You, See Me
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 HEY HEARTUN ~ Sex in Second Life never really attracted me, I mean it isn't really sex... you know? And ever since I divorced my second husband I just hadn't given a crap about involving anyone else in my pursuit of the 'Big O' -- you know?
But this guy I met the second day I was in Second Life talked me into getting a web cam. Have you ever used one of those? (giggles) He's half my age (still quite legal, I'm no spring chicken!) but we start off playing in SL and soon enough (giggles) we've got our web cams going too and we're pleasing ourselves and IT'S JUST SO DIRTY I COULD DIE! (giggles)
I'm a mid-40's mother of five! And he acts like I'm a goddess! Oh, and Heartun, he is soooo hot! I didn't date men this hot when I was younger and looked my best. ~ DIRTY MILFSTER
 DEAR DIRTY MILFSTER ~ First off, just because you sag here and there doesn't make you too old for sex. The only organ required for good sex is the brain, the rest are certainly nice -- but totally not necessary if you can get turned on by someone (or by yourself!)
It sounds like you've got two issues going on here: you dig being a dirty, dirty girl and you are completely flattered that a hot young guy appears to dig you.
First, let me say that you are a dirty, dirty girl. Maybe you should ask your boy to punish you. He may be old enough to play, but may not know how to take charge and the art of being dirty involves dominance. So urge him to give you little tasks. If he can't come up with something, try to hint that it would be sexy if he were to order you to go to work in a skirt an no undies -- and send him an email or an IM from your workplace about how it feels. Urge him to take charge and to challenge your comfort zone.
Second, you seem to be surprised that a pretty young man would be turned on by a woman who's been there and done that. Don't be. This guy may not be in it for the long haul, but is that a bad thing? I mean, enjoy him until you find better or he loses interest! This is just good sex play! Young men aren't often faithful, but some of them are smart enough to know a good thing when they see it -- and you are so sexually repressed, bursting at the seams, served on a stick horny and ready to go you just scream 'fuck me hard!'
Have some fun. Don't hold back. ~ HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get A Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com . All submissions become the property of
HeartunBreaker.com . We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes. Labels: cybersex, masturbation |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 10:55 PM
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| Thursday, December 21, 2006 |
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'Scarfing' Furry Fears For Lover
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HEY HEARTUN~ My boyfriend and I are gay furries, but I'm not going to say what kind of animals we are cause I don't want people to know who we are. But I'm worried. My boyfriend and I are also into scarfing. The last time we were fucking, a week ago, his avie went 'Away' and he stopped typing and he eventually logged off.
I'm afraid that he died. I have emailed him and AIM'd him and he hasn't responded. What do I do? ~SCARFING FURRY
DEAR SCARFING~ I've gotten several emails from people who worry their lover or friend may be dead because they don't log on any more, and in most cases I expect that their lover just moved on. But auto erotic asphyxiation, or 'scarfing,' is a different story. It is very deadly.
I understand that cutting off the supply of oxygen to the brain at the time of orgasm can intensify that orgasm. I'm told it does this because as the brain approaches asphyxia it kicks out more endorphins. Some people put a plastic bag over their head, others self-strangulate manually, and many us a ligature -- a scarf -- to cut off the blood flow at the neck.
Dear Scarfing, I really wish I could tell you that your lover just got busy or ditched you. I wish I could tell you what to do to find out if they're ok. In your case, there's a good reason to believe that your lover may have died... and worse, you may have witnessed it, in a Second Life way.
But Scarfing, and this pains me to say this, I don't know what to tell you. I'm going to turn this one over to my readers, and ask that they post their advice in the 'comment' section of this site. Perhaps they have an idea you can find useful. Meanwhile, you have my sympathy. ~HEARTUN BREAKER
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.Labels: Furry, masturbation, real life conflicts |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 10:26 PM
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| Wednesday, December 13, 2006 |
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When Nice Boys Can't Type Well
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HEY HEARTUN: I met a nice boy that spends time with me and talks with me a lot but every once in a while his typing goes all crazy and he only uses short words, and not many of them. I asked him about it and he said sometimes hanging out with me turns him on so much that he starts playing with himself! EW! I haven't been able to hang out with him since and I can't get that image out of my mind. I am considering killing his friendship and muting him, but we've been good friends for a long time. He keeps trying to IM me about how sorry he is. I dont know... ~ GROSSED OUT
DEAR GROSSED: Men are pigs. I don't think they can help doing stupid things like that. The thing is, he should have kept his secret to himself. He knows it, that's why he's saying he is sorry and isn't stalking you. I am not one of those people who believes that anyone can 'fix' someone else but if this is his first offensive behavior, he has been a good friend, and if you think you can get that image out of your mind (or get used to it) I say you should give him another chance. After an appropriate length of time, say a week, thinking about his error by himeslf. B.F. Skinner would call the cold shoulder act you are giving him right now an 'extinguishing technique' and it is worth a shot. Let him know that if he grosses you out again you will delete and mute him. Then if he does, do it.
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If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
Labels: masturbation, SLetiquette |
| posted by Heartun Breaker @ 8:22 PM
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Disclaimer: All submissions to "Get a Life" become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity
and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form
without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward
articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
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