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Saturday, January 6, 2007
Finger Banging Anshe's Mom

HEY HEARTUN ~ A couple of weeks ago I was listening to my radio whilst driving in my car and I heard that a lady was the first to make one million U.S. dollars in Second Life. This made me sit up and listen. Is it true that you can become a millionaire from Second Life? And where do I start and please don't answer by saying 'at the beginning' because I don't know where that is other than registering.
~ BOB'S YOUR UNCLE


DEAR BOB'S YOUR UNCLE ~ Anshe Chung, Anshe Chung, Anshe freaking Chung... if I had a nickel for every greedy noob who joined Second Life because of some article in a business magazine lionizing her I'd be -– well -- I'd be Anshe Chung. The sad part is that if you talk with some of her competitors and associates, as I have, they'll all tell you how Anshe puts off this attitude that she is failing miserably. At the same time they'll tell you that public estimates of her income are vastly UNDER-reported. That said, Anshe Chung is a failure.

It's clear that what she wants is her mother's love and respect and she'll never get it. She'll never get it because I tracked down her mother and have a wonderful relationship with her. In short: I finger-banged Anshe's mom. Stack up all the Linden space bucks you want Anshe, I win.

As for making money in Second Life, there are a few tried and true methods.

  1. LAND SPECULATION
    Anshe doesn't have a lock on buying land in bulk, improving it, then selling it for a bundle. You could also try opening a shopping mall.
  2. MAKING STUFF
    Make stuff people want to buy, then sell it. Household products, sex toys, skins, clothing, weird gestures – the sky is the limit (well, I guess you can't make a mirror.)
  3. BEGGING
    It's annoying, but a lot of people do it for a while. Just don't ask me, I hate beggars.
  4. WHORING
    Don't knock it till you've tried it, even if you are a straight man. This is actually quite popular, and at most dance clubs it is apparently considered an honorable profession.
  5. SKILLED SERVICES
    If you're good at improving land but don't have the money to buy any – hit up a land baron for a job as an architect. Or find something else people will pay for... like business consultation services, proof-reading profiles, photography, professional friend, surrogate stalker, singer, artist, etc.
  6. PAWNSHOP/MIDDLE MAN
    Buy up things on the cheap and sell them for more money than you paid. Works in real life, works in Second Life if you check the objects permissions first.
  7. BUY AND SELL MONEY
    Once the game of governments and Wall Street moguls, you can take advantage of exchange rate fluctuations and make money at it. Just remember, it is high risk.
  8. CAMPING CHAIRS
    Get paid to sit in someones land. Go figure.
  9. BLACKMAIL/BREAK THE LAW
    If you are a burly man in real life but you play a woman so that you can whore for money (see #4) you can keep an eye out for a serious homophobe, film the encounter (and copy Ims) then threaten to expose him if he doesn't pay you more. You can also do other quasi-illegal things like start a Ponzi (pyramid) scheme or grift.
  10. POLLS
    People will pay you money for your opinion.
  11. GAMES OF CHANCE/SKILL
    Go gamble. There are a ton of casinos, as well as Tringo, Slingo, Bingo, Greedy Greedy and a slew of other games. Then there are races involving boats, cars, motorcycles and the like.

~HEARTUN BREAKER

FOR A LIMITED TIME: Buy your "Bangin Anshe's Mom" T-shirt at CafePress.com/heartunbreaker
--

If you have a question for "Get a Life" just email HeartunBreaker@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.

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posted by Heartun Breaker @ 9:22 PM  
3 Comments:
  • At January 7, 2007 at 7:38 PM, Anonymous Serendipity Margot said…

    Ok, I peed my pants I laughed so hard at that... but you are going to get in trouble! Anshe's mom!!

    Man, oh, man.... I just hope you don't plan on buying any land any time soon, and hope you dont own any right now!

    And is that Tshirt for real? I want one, but don't know where I'd wear it!

     
  • At January 9, 2007 at 10:08 PM, Anonymous Biffa Bacon said…

    Fookin whooah! Ye gwan ta telma yeh dinna ken thor diffense twina Anshe ena mumma? Mumma fina dryen crunchea!!

    Fookin tart!

     
  • At January 10, 2007 at 6:00 PM, Anonymous Wah woo wee wah wah said…

    I don't know what that last post said, except for the last part, and you are a fucking tart Heartun.

    Now get that finger of yours over here babe!!!

     
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Disclaimer: All submissions to "Get a Life" become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
 


 

 




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