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join the "Get A Life" group (with quotes) in Second Life
| Saturday, February 3, 2007 |
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Second Life Is Like An Acid Trip
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 HEY HEARTUN ~ So, I have number of "friends" in SL who I find vaguely threatening. In real life I don't enjoy hanging around people who either ignore me or leave the room without looking at me or (who fail to respond) to me when I say "Hi, how are you today?"
So, the question is, why do I tolerate this behaviour in what is
supposed to be a game, and I assume(!) fun....?
How do others deal with the fickle nature of people in SL? With those who
virtually stalk you, then drop you? Is this normal behaviour?
I know I can just take them off my list, but for some reason I'm finding
this hard to do. Is SL making a victim of me? ~ BRUISED BETTY
DEAR BRUISED BETTY ~ Second Life is like LSD. If you are a well rounded and generally nice person when you are under its influence you will generally have an intensely nice experience. If you are an asshole, well... you become an intensified asshole. And good luck with that.
(NOTE: Don't do drugs. Drugs are bad, mmm-kay?)
 In Second Life some people say "excuse me" when they bump into a strange avatar, some just keep on going. Why? Because they can. There are very few social social repercussions for bad behavior in SL. What? You gonna ban someone because they bumped you? Or didn't return a hearty 'Hello?' No.
"But Heartun, it just isn't right!" you say. I agree. But unlike you and me and a significant minority of humans on this planet, not everyone adheres to the generally accepted (but poorly defined, outside of Judith Martin) rules of behavior we call 'common courtesy.' Many people only do something if it has a direct and immediate benefit for them. They are engaged in some activity, they see you say "Hi" but they don't want to disturb what they are doing so they ignore you. Later they may see you and since they are bored and want to engage you in conversation they will track you down and attach themselves to you like a leach.
It's all about what is in it for them.
Not everyone is like this. And don't assume that someone exhibiting this behavior one time is necessarily that self centered -- they could be dealing with a RL potty emergency, or be engaged in IMs or surfing the web in another window to the exclusion of their SL presence. I think we all get trapped in that once in a while. But persistent friends of (their) convenience abound here. In real life they know that there would be consequences for ignoring your "Hi" as you pass in the halls at work... but there are no real consequences for them here.
Chinese General Sun Tzu said to "choose your friends well as your enemies will choose you." I think that applies to online "friends" as well. No, a non-friend is not necessarily an enemy, but they can drag down your sense of well being and enjoyment of your time here. Choose your friends well. Cull your Friends list often. If you are unsure about someone, don't worry about dropping them.
Good people will understand you are just trying to preserve your sense of fun here -- and you can always extend another friendship request. Just don't delete friendships while angry or in a hurry. Be fair in your periodic evaluation of your list. And it's OK to IM someone and give them the message "We haven't talked in a while. I'm cleaning up my Friends list and culling you. I enjoyed talking with you that one time. Please IM me if you want to hang out again." ~ HEARTUN BREAKER
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posted by Heartun Breaker @ 7:26 AM
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OMG, Heartun i've experienced that so much here in SL. I'm glad someone actually took the time to write you about it.
Common curtosy does exist in SL, it really does!
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Disclaimer: All submissions to "Get a Life" become the property of HeartunBreaker.com. We reserve the right to edit submissions for brevity
and clarity. No 'real' or 'game' names will be published. No part of this service may be reproduced in any form
without the express written permission of Heartun Breaker, except that an individual may download and/ or forward
articles via e-mail to a reasonable number of recipients for personal, non-commercial purposes.
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OMG, Heartun i've experienced that so much here in SL. I'm glad someone actually took the time to write you about it.
Common curtosy does exist in SL, it really does!